Are you and your ex working through custody arrangements for the first time? Then you may be at a loss when it comes to holidays. Like every parent, you want to celebrate major holidays with your children. These include New Year’s Eve, Easter, the Fourth of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. But your ex will want to do the same.
What about the summer holidays? This is another major challenge parents have to overcome using custody arrangements.
You may want to split a holiday in half to make things work. This will not solve everyone’s problems, but it will give you and your ex-spouse enough quality time with your children.
If this seems like a complicated solution, you may just need to accept that it will be challenging. But you can make it work if you plan properly and continue communicating with one another.
Why You Should Split Holidays
Holidays are traditional for most families. During your past holidays, you probably created a lot of special memories with your children and your ex.
Even though you no longer want to create such memories with your ex, traditional holidays are very meaningful to your kids. If you and your ex keep fighting over holiday visits, it will ruin what is supposed to be a fun and exciting time for your children.
On the other hand, if you create a well-laid-out custody plan, your children can fully enjoy each holiday and summer vacation. What’s more, they can enjoy themselves without being caught in the middle of your issues with your ex.
A good custody arrangement can also prevent misunderstandings. No one wants to deal with drama during the holidays because one parent did or did not pitch up when they were supposed to.
Splitting holidays in half may mean more driving around, but it is one of the best ways to ensure fair custody arrangement. It also ensures that your children’s best interests are prioritized.
How Do You Split Holidays?
Splitting any holiday can only work if you and your ex agree. When you split a holiday, your children will be with you for one part of the day and with your ex for the other part.
For instance, your children may celebrate Christmas morning with you until 2 p.m. Your ex will then collect them, and they will spend the rest of the day at your ex’s house.
Depending on the details of your custody agreement, your children will return to you at 8 p.m. They can sleep over at your ex’s house if you do not have full custody. If you want to split a holiday like Thanksgiving, you can arrange it so your kids have lunch with you and dinner with your ex.
The exact timing of holiday splits will depend on your custody arrangement, family preferences, traditions, and logistics.
Why Should You Bother Splitting Holidays?
Splitting holidays should be more about your children than it is about you. When you split holidays, you allow your kids to spend meaningful holidays with their parents.
You also make it easier for them to enjoy their holidays without feeling guilty about spending time with either parent.
It is also true that holiday splitting that works according to a schedule can prevent disputes between you and your ex. This will make everyone that much happier during the holidays.
The Problem With Splitting Holidays
Unfortunately, splitting a holiday will come with at least one or two challenges.
If you live far away, transport may become an issue, even more so if you live in another state and your kids have to catch a plane. It is also very likely that old family traditions must be left behind to accommodate the split.
For instance, if you and your ex used to stay up with your kids on Christmas Eve until midnight, this can now only happen at one parent’s house.
It is important to remember that your children will be affected no matter how well you plan a holiday split. They may be very disappointed if they expect the same holiday traditions and celebrations.
Along with planning holiday splits, you must sit down with your children and explain everything that is happening.
Holiday Schedules Can Work
With all the above said, holiday schedules do work if you make them work. The most important part of a holiday schedule is making sure your children have fun and are not stressed out.
Ideally, you want to arrange holidays based on your children’s ages, their relationships with extended family, and their love of long-standing traditions.
Your schedule must also be specific. If it contains vague instructions, it will only be a matter of time before you and your ex have a blow-up.
Decide what the times are for pickups and drop-offs. Write down which parent is responsible for driving the kids around on specific days.
For instance, if you want to split Christmas, you must know who will pick the children up in the morning and who will fetch them later.
If splitting one-day holidays becomes too much of a problem, you can try splitting entire seasons or vacations. You could arrange to have your children with you one Christmas. Then, they can spend the following Christmas with your ex. You can do the same for school holidays and summer vacations.
Some parents use an alternate schedule. For example, you may have your kids for Thanksgiving, and your ex will have them for Christmas. The following year, you can change the arrangement around.
Making a Success of Split Holidays
How you split a holiday does not matter. What matters is keeping your kids’ interests top of mind. Talk to your ex, even if you do not want to. It is the only way to ensure the holiday arrangements work.
Also, last-minute changes will not help anyone. Try to avoid changing plans unless absolutely necessary.
That said, you will also have to be flexible with the schedule if something unexpected happens. You may get stuck on the highway with the kids in the car on Thanksgiving (because of a traffic jam), or a snowstorm may lead to canceled flights on Christmas Day.
There is no use in getting worked up over things like this since there is nothing you can do about them. Instead, work through the situation with patience.
Keep focusing on your kids’ holiday experience and keep your frustrations away from their ears.
Instead of grumbling about changed plans, plan something special for when your kids are with you. This will help everyone feel excited about the holiday, even if it is split.
Holidays Should Bring Families Together
Even if you and your ex are no longer together, you and your kids are still a family. If you treat holidays the way a family would and prioritize your kids’ needs, a holiday split can work.
Custody arrangements may take effort and compromise, but your children’s well-being is worth it.